Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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