I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
