My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
