the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
