She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
