Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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