Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
