I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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