Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
