Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
