My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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