you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
