i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
