Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
