Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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