Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
