Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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