I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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