I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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