Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
