You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
