Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
