I can text with my tongue
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
