im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
