I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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