We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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