Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
