worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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