Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
