Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
