We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
