im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
