So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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