I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
