And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
