After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
