Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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