Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
