It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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