I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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