Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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