He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
