And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
