He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
