Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
