Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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