I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
