My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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