just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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