Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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