This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
