are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
