Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
