The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
