so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
