Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
