woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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