I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
