I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
