I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
