make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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