Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
